I have never really been comfortable talking about numbers with people as far as weight is concerned. Even when I was at my smallest back in high school I didn’t talk about what I weighed. A large part of that was due to my unhealthy view of body weight and my judgmental view of myself. I have never given myself much in the way of compliments for any part of my body, even when I look back now and know they were deserved.
Maybe I haven’t come too far in the past 10 years, but I do feel like I have gained some perspective on health, especially in the last year. I’ve learned so much about my body and my nutrition and about actually being healthy. I am working on shedding unhealthy body images and building up positive goals. Part of that mental process is getting over the fear of numbers.
So here it is, all laid out on the table, my weight loss story so far, numbers included.
I started this weight loss journey at 240lbs. I might have been a little higher at some points, but I honestly was just too depressed to get on the scale. I have scoliosis and because of the extra weight on my body, I suffered through chronic pain for over 2 years when I was at my very heaviest.
It was a horrible time for me, I would spend my nights drinking beer and watching TV and eating a lot of food. I would wish to myself that I could look like the girls on television, but I didn’t see a way to lose as much weight as I wanted. I felt stuck in a cycle. The more weight I gained, the more impossible it seemed that I could ever take it all off. The only thing that kept me even remotely attached to a happy reality were my friends and family. I really don’t think I could have ever gotten through that without the support of my husband Kiel, my sister Ginny, my friend Jessica or my cousin Peter. These were people in my life that never made me feel fat and I will always be thankful that they were there for me.
At a Starbucks in college
In Michigan on vacation
Going to a wedding
Playing video games
I don’t remember exactly what the trigger was for the change, it just happened. Maybe I just got fed up with being sad and depressed all the time. I started off with very small changes. I introduced veggies into my diet and started cooking lean meats like fish and chicken instead of burgers and steak. I tried not to get pre-made food, instead opting to cook meals from scratch. I also bought a treadmill. In the beginning, I couldn’t really run, I just walked. Eventually I worked my way up to a minute or so of jogging every now and then. After a few months, I was running, I would run about 2 miles a few times a week. During this time I also really fell in love with cooking. I learned a lot about making food that was healthy and tasty. I saw a little bit of improvement, but for all of the changes I made, I still only lost about 20lbs and it kept going up and down, still the little bit of improvement felt good.
Then one day, I got food poisoning. It was the worst experience of my life. It took me days to recover and during that recovery time my body rejected all things meat. When I finally felt better, I realized I had gone about a week without meat and I felt really good. My cousin Peter is a vegetarian as is my boss at work, so I had always been intrigued with the diet, but I always loved meat to much to give it much thought. I figured it was worth a shot at least, if I didn’t like it… meh… no big deal, I could go back to meat anytime I wanted. At this point I have been a vegetarian for 6 months and I haven’t looked back. Cutting out meat really helped me lose more weight. I dropped another 20lbs in a hurry. At this point I had gone from 240lbs to 200lbs and I was feeling a bit better about myself.
Peter & I in Chicago
At Arlington National Cemetary
Goal dress #1
Soon after a trip to Washing DC for a wedding, I decided to put my new body to a real test, I decided to start training for a half marathon. So 11 weeks ago, I strapped on a new pair of running shoes and started a 12 week training program. At the beginning I could run about 2 miles, this past Monday I ran 9. I am proud to say I am a runner now, through and through. I absolutely love it and I love the way it makes me feel. The half is on September 12rh, I will be running side by side with about 20,000 other people on Chicago’s Lake Shore Drive for 13.1 miles… I can’t wait! The training really kicked my weight loss into high gear. I am currently at 176lbs and loving it. I’m not done yet, I would still like to lose another 20-50lbs, but I am ok with it happening slowly as I run and eat properly.
About 2 weeks ago
A shirt Peter got me
A new dress
A new me
After I am done with the half marathon, I plan on training for a full, after that it’s on to triathlon training so I can compete next August. I really do feel like a completely different person and I am still getting to know a lot about me. One of the things I felt I had to do was share my story, somehow committing it to text makes it real and on some level it keeps me accountable.
I know that this post has been a really long one and I”m sorry about that. Thanks for taking the time to listen to my story.